Simple Ways to Support Someone During Their Cancer Fight

How do you support someone just diagnosed with cancer?

When someone you love gets diagnosed with cancer, you often wonder what you can do to help support them during such challenging times. The time between getting diagnosed to beginning treatment can range from a few weeks to a month or more. Knowing what to say or do to help support your loved one can be difficult, especially when their diagnosis and treatment plan is still unknown. As a recent cancer survivor, here are some simple and thoughtful ways to help and support someone during their cancer fight.

 1. Show Support on Treatment Days

Find out your friend or loved one’s treatment schedule and then work out a plan with other friends and family members to support them on their treatment days. Once treatment begins, it typically follows a predictable schedule. Chemotherapy is usually given in cycles over several months. A series of cycles is called a course of treatment. Understand how many treatments they will require per cycle for their course of treatment. For example, during my chemotherapy, one cycle equaled two treatments. I had two weeks off in between chemo sessions. In total, my course of treatment included three months of immunotherapy, followed by six cycles (or twelve treatments) of AVD chemotherapy. It’s important to note, people respond differently to chemo so they may need extra support for a few days following treatment. For instance, I often felt the worst on day four after a chemo infusion. Work out a plan with other friends and family to help support them during treatment and in between cycles. Can you help with childcare or rides to treatment? Friends and family can also show support at a distance by all wearing the same color shirt or socks on treatment days.  

2. Organize a Meal Train

Websites and apps like Meal Train,  TakeThemaMeal, or Give InKind make it easy to organize a meal train with friends and family members to support someone during their cancer fight. You can enter likes, dislikes, food allergies, make a wish list, fundraise, and list the best times to drop off meals. Shared virtual calendars help you coordinate meal deliveries, and you can also send gift cards to local restaurants or food delivery services like GrubHub, DoorDash or UberEats.

3. Offer House Cleaning Services 

A clean home is of the biggest ways to help support a friend or loved one during their cancer journey. You and other family and friends could take turns cleaning their house or helping with laundry during treatment. If you can’t physically help clean, consider buying a cleaning package or gift certificate from a local cleaning service in their area. Cleaning services like Molly Maid and Merry Maid offer gift certificates and have locations nationwide. Many cleaning services have recently partnered Cleaning For A Reason to provide discounted pricing and services for cancer patients in the United States and Canada.  

4. Help with Grass-Cutting/Yard Clean-Up

Offer to mow your friend or loved one’s grass or help tidy up their yard or garden. Helping out as much as once or twice a month can make a huge difference. If you’re unable to help physically, consider hiring a lawn care service to help them care for their home while they are in treatment. Paying for gutter-cleaning or one-time fall or spring-clean up services through sites like Groupon is another great way to help a friend or loved one with home maintenance during their cancer fight.

5. Decorate Their Home to Show Support

Consider surprising your loved one before they begin treatment or during treatment milestones by decorating their yard or the outside of their home with lights, signs, and balloons to show support. You can find a great assortment of yard signs and lights on Etsy and Amazon.

6. Organize a Drive-by Parade

Drive-by parades are a great way to show support and let your friend or loved one know they aren’t fighting cancer alone. Consider planning a parade to encourage them before their first treatment to celebrate reaching remission or their final treatment.

Supporting Cancer Fighters from a Distance:

 How can you help or support your friend or loved one through their treatment, especially when you’re not able to be with them?

1. Call and Text Regularly 

Knowing what you need when you’re fighting cancer can be difficult. Your feelings and needs often change as you go through treatment. Make sure to call or text your friend or loved one regularly to let them know you are thinking of them and wishing them well. Messaging them throughout their treatment can make a huge impact. Research shows prayer and a strong support system can greatly improve treatment outcomes.

2. Send a Card

Mail your friend or loved one a card or send a virtual greeting card to help brighten their day and lift their spirits. Knowing what to say or write to someone diagnosed with cancer can be difficult, but there are many great sites like Live Better With and Not Another Bunch of Flowers that have the perfect messages to uplift and inspire the fighter in your life. Soul Lite Cards will mail complimentary hand-made art or photo cards to your friend or loved one. You can contact Soul Light Cards through email, Instagram, or Facebook to receive a card or send one to a friend or family member.

3. Grocery Gift Cards & Meal Delivery Services 

One of the last things a cancer fighter should have to worry about is their meals or how they will pay for their family’s grocery bill. Consider sending a gift cards for a local grocery store or gifting a subscription to a grocery delivery service like Shipt, InstaCart, Thrive Market, or Fresh Direct.

4. Send a Care Package

While you can’t change your loved one’s diagnosis or treatment, you can do something to make that process a little more enjoyable, especially when they are facing chemotherapy. Chemo treatments can be long, tiring, and uncomfortable. By putting together a cancer care package, you can stand by your loved one going through treatment. Warm blankets and socks, lip balm, lotions, headwear, and personalized water bottles are wonderful items to include in a cancer care package. Organizations like Battle Cap Project, Warrior Bags, Tenaciously Teal, Lemons of Love, and Chemo Kits offer various care packages you can send a friend or loved one. Click here for a list of organizations currently providing free cancer care packages.   

5. Gift Streaming or Subscription Services

Chemotherapy sessions can typically last for hours. Some of my favorite things to do during treatment were to listen to audiobooks, read, or watch movies. Consider sending an Amazon Prime, Netflix, Disney+, or Audible membership. Audible members can also easily send others books or credits to enjoy free audiobooks, even if the recipient is not a current Audible user.  

Knowing what to say to a friend or loved one diagnosed with cancer can be difficult, but it’s important to remember they will need continual support beyond their initial diagnosis. At the beginning of an illness, there tends to be a flood of support, and then it begins to trickle. It’s important to remember that the help is not just needed when a person is in the hospital or active treatment. The effects of cancer can last well into remission and long after treatment has ended. 

Remember that there are no rules when it comes to supporting your friend or loved one through cancer. Although you may feel uncomfortable or even scared, make sure to treat your friend or loved one the same way you treated them before the diagnosis. No matter how you reach out, whether it’s in person by phone, email, or text, what you say and how you say it—it’s important to reassure your friend or loved one they aren’t in this fight alone. 

Cancer Support & Care Package Organizations Quick Links:

Here are some great charitable organizations to check out for cancer care packages and more.

Cleaning For A Reason

Live Better With

Not Another Bunch of Flowers

Battle Cap Project

Soul Lite Cards

Lemons of Love

Chemo Kits

Tenaciously Teal

Warrior Bags

Give InKind

Learn more about my efforts to help support other cancer fighters through the Hopeful Warrior Project.

Visit my Resources page for more information to help support you or a loved one during their cancer journey.

10 Tips for the Newly Diagnosed

“Approximately every three minutes, someone in the United States is diagnosed with a blood cancer.”

Two years ago, I dropped my youngest off at preschool and received a call an hour later that forever changed my family. I don’t remember much more the surgeon said to me besides the words “lymphoma” and “cancer.” After receiving the devastating news, time stood still. Then everything became a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments, lab tests and waiting for answers.

When you hear the word cancer, you feel a wide range of emotions from fear, grief and sadness. Even if you thought it might be cancer, the news it still shocking.  Despite the wide range of emotions you are feeling, it’s important to remember you aren’t alone. More than 1.3 million Americans are living with or in remission from a blood cancer. September is Blood Cancer Awareness Month, a time to honor cancer fighters and survivors of blood cancers like leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma that affect your bone marrow, blood cells or lymphatic system. Whether you are your loved one was recently diagnosed, here are some tips that may help you on your journey.

1.     Don’t dwell on the statistics. Cancer affects everyone differently. Not everyone loses their hair. Your journey is your own. Get a second opinion or a third. Look into clinical trials and explore new treatment options like immunotherapy. Instead of focusing on the statistics, seek out stories from other cancer survivors who achieved radical remission against all odds. Remember, no matter what the prognosis, there is a first time for everything are you are more than your diagnosis.

2.     Breathe. Hearing you have cancer is a difficult experience and may lead to a range of emotions. Grief, worry and fear are natural responses to such shocking news. Learning how to work through these powerful emotions can help lower your stress and help you heal. Be kind to yourself and try not to judge yourself for how you feel. Your emotions will often fluctuate as you move through treatment. A great practice I learned during treatment was how to use my breathing to calm my anxiety. There are many different breathing techniques that can reduce your anxiety and help you calm down almost instantly. One of my favorites it the 4-7-8 technique, which focuses on the following relaxing breathing pattern: Empty your lungs of air. Breathe in quietly through your nose for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for a count of 7 seconds, then exhale for 8 seconds.

3.     Take someone with you. The thought of living with cancer and treatment can be overwhelming. It may be hard for you to hear or remember anything you hear the news. Having an extra set of ears with you at your first appointments can help you understand your treatment options and next steps. It’s also a good idea to record your first appointment. There are many great apps you can use on your phone to record your first appointments to ensure you don’t miss any important details.

4.     Find Support. After a lump or a symptom leads you to the hospital or your doctor, there may be many days or weeks of waiting to have tests done and waiting for test results. This is often one of the most difficult and scary times for cancer patients as it’s when we undergo a battery of tests to stage our cancer and prepare for treatment. After I was diagnosed with Classical Hodgkins Lymphoma, one of the first things I did was join a Facebook group for my type of cancer. Getting connected with other cancer fighters and survivors gave me tremendous hope and helped me better prepare for treatment.

5.     Surround yourself with positivity. Whether it’s your favorite quotes, bible verses, song lyrics, or motivational videos, reading inspirational messages daily can help you cope with treatment. Make a Pinterest board of uplifting quotes or save them to your phone so you can view them during treatment. 

6.     Visualize a positive outcome. Your thoughts and words have the power to heal. Just as the mind’s reactions to stress can impair immunity and create illness, according to psychoneuroimmunology (PNI), it is believed that certain mental processes, like specific images and visualization procedures, can stimulate the immune system to better fight disease. Use your imagination to construct the following scenes in vivid detail: Imagine your immune system as little soldiers fighting and destroying your cancer. You can also imagine a luminescent stream of white light entering through the crown on your forehead radiating from your head to your toes healing you. Next, imagine yourself getting the news you are in remission. Picture yourself surrounded by family and friends ringing a bell to signify the end of your treatment. Repeat these visualizations daily. Remember: Think well, Act well, Feel well, Be well. Research shows that visualization has a calming effect, increasing optimism and giving you more control over your personal situation.

7.     Use mantras and sound to combat negative emotions. Anger, jealousy, fear, anxiety and even depression – all these difficult emotions are caused by over thinking. As Eckhart Tolle says, “It’s never the situation that causes suffering, it is your thoughts about it.” Thoughts come with their own emotional charge that researchers have discovered lasts about 90 seconds. The problem is we keep thinking over things, reigniting the emotional charge until we become sick, weak and drained of our vital energy. Mantras can help disrupt negative thoughts. They are specific sounds or vibrations that when chanted aloud or repeated silently, can create positive effects in any area of your physiology or life—for healing, transformation, and inner awakening. There are many mantras available to help support and increase your balance, harmony, and self-awareness. You can also receive similar effects by listening to mantra music, binaural beats and meditation music on YouTube or other music streaming services.

8.     Laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. A great way to pass the time during treatment or when you are anxious about an upcoming test or scan is to distract yourself with laughter. I don’t know about you but America’s Funniest Home Videos and baby videos can always make me smile.  

9.     Make a playlist.  Music has healing power. Sometimes there are no words that can relate to the depth of your feelings, but music can help bridge the divide. Make a playlist of your favorite songs and pump up anthems. You can also curate a special “Cancer Killer Mix” by asking your friends or family to send songs that you will listen to during treatment. Chemotherapy can take hours and what better way to pass the time than listening to your favorite songs and discovering new music.

10.     Look into local resources. Hospitals and cancer societies like the American Cancer Society and other national and international organizations have many resources to help you and your loved ones manage your lives and get the emotional support you need through treatment and recovery. Free wigs, rides to treatment, lodging programs and financial assistance are some of the many local resources that can help you and your loved ones during treatment and beyond.

Sources:

1.     Immunotherapy for All Cancer Types – Cancer Research Institute

2.     Blood Cancer Awareness Statistics- LLS

3.     Radical Remission Case Studies

4.     Calming Breathing Techniques- Healthline

5.     Apps for Voice Recording -Techzilla

6.     PNI Visualization Techniques for Serious Illnesses – Psychology Today

7.     Healing Mantras – Chopra Center

8.     Binaural Beats Health Benefits- Healthline

9.     American Cancer Society Resources

10.  Cancer Patient Resource Websites

11.  International Resources for Cancer Patients & Caregivers

12.  My Treatment for Stage 3 Hodgkin Lymphoma

Hair Today. Gone Tomorrow.

My hair loss journey from Stage 3 Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma, a type of cancer that starts in white blood cells.

My hair loss journey from Stage 3 Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma. Diagnosed in November, 2017. Currently 9 months in remission and counting thanks to immunotherapy and AVD chemo. Learn more about my treatment here.

My last chemo was August 9, 2018. I was notified I was officially  in remission on May 1, 2018 prior to completing my full 6 cycles of chemotherapy.

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One of the most difficult parts of the cancer journey is watching your appearance or the appearance of someone you love drastically change before your eyes. Watching my reflection slowly change was one of the most painful parts of my cancer journey, particularly losing my hair, because once my hair began to go, everything became SO REAL.

When clumps of my hair started to fall in the shower, I watched in horror as the amount slowly gathered by the drain. All my life, I have been blessed with thick, beautiful, healthy hair. I never in my life did I ever think I would ever have to worry about losing it… but there it was slowing going right before my eyes. 

Where at one time my hair was so thick, I could snap a rubber band just with the sheer weight of my ponytail, now there was nothing I could do to stop the growing patches of my scalp that were beginning to show.  I tried makeup to cover my growing roots from my last color months before my diagnosis. After all, I was going to lose my hair, what was the point of a touch up now?  My hair was becoming a mess but it was the least of my worries. I knew in my heart holding onto it was a losing battle.

“Mommy, are you gonna lose all your hair?”

As a woman and a mom of three young children, losing my hair was one of the most gut-wrenching things I have had ever tried to explain to my children, particularly my youngest twins who were 3 at the time.

Once you find you or your loved one has cancer your thoughts immediately go to hair loss. Pictures of chemo patients you have seen in movies and on TV float through your mind. I know because it went through mine.

You start to search for all the remedies to counteract hair loss: Castor oil. Cold Caps. Extra biotin supplements. You cling to stories where others went through chemo and were fortunate to go through treatment and not lose all their hair.

I thought preparation of some sort was definitely a necessity. Once my diagnosis was confirmed, I got a couple books for my children to read to help them understand what our life was going to be like and most importantly what mommy was going to maybe look like for the next few months. One of the best books I got for my young twins was “Nowhere Hair” by Sue Glader which offers a  wonderful way to explain hair loss to young children.

As much as I knew I could deal with my changing appearance by wearing hats and wigs, I knew mommy’s changing looks could be scary for my children so I wanted to be compassionate and considerate of their feelings too. I thought it would be best to let nature take its course and not try to do too much to prevent my hair loss. I decided I would shave my head if it became absolutely necessary, but I was hopeful that my thick hair would be able to weather the trauma of treatment.

Before I began treatment I had shoulder length thick wavy hair. Before I began my immunotherapy treatment I decided to cut it as short as possible, while still being able to pull it back into a ponytail.

During my three infusions of Keytruda prior to chemotherapy, I was fortunate not to experience any hair loss. The only hair loss I can attribute before I began chemo was likely an effect from all my scans prior to being diagnosed and then during the staging process. 

The Hair Loss Begins

Most hair loss for patients having the AVD or ABVD chemo regimen like I had for my Stage 3 Classical Hodgkin’s lymphoma significantly increases by the 4th chemo treatment.  I definitely noticed my hair loss picking up at that point. Many other lymphoma cancer survivors report hair loss starts after the second chemo treatment. I’ve also heard of people would did not lose all of their hair even with several cycles of chemotherapy.  Other patients with RCHOP chemotherapy report different patterns of hair loss. Some people just reported extreme thinning. I believe I would classify as extreme thinning because I never ended up shaving my head during treatment. Once it got bad I started wearing wigs and had fun experimenting with different hairstyles.

The worst of my hair loss from stage 3 Hodgkin Lymphoma. This is the aftermath of 3 cycles of Keytruda immunotherapy plus 6 cycles of AVD chemo. 6 cycles = 12 individual chemo treatments.

A look at some of my different wigs.

Making the Most of My Hair Loss

Through the first part of my chemo, I made the most of my hair loss by wearing slouchy beanies and winter caps because my chemo treatment started in February in Chicago. However by midway through my treatment around May I knew I was going to need to consider starting to wear a wig.

The changing weather made wearing hats uncomfortable. I decided to look into my insurance benefits to see if they reimburse for a wig and surprisingly a wig was a covered benefit.

It’s important that hair loss in chemo takes many forms than just the hair on your head. It means hair anywhere is up for grabs. Leg hair. Eyebrow hair. Nose hair.  Even those pesky other hairs women get. Which meant less shaving for once in my life. Sweet victory!

After having long, thick hair all my life one of the greatest blessings is now how must faster I can get ready. And how much money I can save on hair styling products because now I can share them with my husband.  Always a silver lining.

Going through cancer has taught me time and again that even our most difficult seasons can bring many blessings if we know where to look. Sometimes, when we hardly recognize the face staring back in the mirror, that’s okay. It’s okay when that happens because I believe it means we’re in the midst of transforming into something better.

Losing my hair has helped me gain a new level of self-confidence. Never in my life did I ever think I would proudly rock this short of hair. I thought for sure I’d stay in my wig for months. But, as of right now, I’m also enjoying rocking a lot of hats too.

Hair loss is a journey for everyone, regardless if you are the patient yourself. It’s important to do what you feel is best, when you feel it is best. I learned there is no magic time table. But thankfully, I also learned hair grows back pretty quickly.

 Hair Loss Resources for Cancer Patients

Real-hair wigs can cost thousands of dollars and are often only partially covered by health insurance, but there are ways to get wigs for FREE:

• American Cancer Society: To support cancer patients undergoing chemo, the American Cancer Society offers brand new FREE wigs at wig banks and cancer centers around the country. Click Here and go to the “About Us” tab for resources in your area. Or call 800-227-2345.

• Cuts Against Cancer: This nonprofit organization and foundation is dedicated to creating and donating free Medical Wigs for women and children who cannot afford to purchase a Real Human Hair Medical Prosthesis. For a FREEwig for anybody facing hair loss from any type of cancer living anywhere in the world, Click Here.

• Friends are by Your Side: Celebrity hairstylist Martino Cartier founded this charity to help cancer patients get FREE wigs through a network of hundreds of salons across the US, Canada, Mexico, England and Australia. Click Here to see whether there is a salon in your area.

• Lolly’s Locks works with wig providers across the country to connect cancer patients in need with high-quality wigs. Created in honor of Lolly Toll, who lost her life to cancer in 2012. Lolly understood the relationship between looking good and feeling good, and it was her wish to help those who could not otherwise afford a stylized wig. Click Here

• EBeauty Community Inc.: Provides FREE wigs for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy treatments. They also have a national wig exchange program through which you can donate wigs you no longer need to others who do. To request a wig or donate one, Click Here

• HairToStay: This nonprofit offers need-based grants to offset the expense of scalp cooling systems for breast cancer patients in the US to minimize hair loss during chemotherapy. To learn more, Click Here

Good to Know

• It takes at least six ponytails to make one wig. If your friends and family have hair to spare and want to help the cause, tell them about the Pantene Beautiful Lengths campaign that collects healthy hair to make FREE wigs available to cancer patients at the American Cancer Society’s wig banks. Donated hair must be a minimum of 8 inches long (measured from just above the elastic band of a ponytail to the ends). Click Here, or call 800-945-7768, for more details and where to donate.

Source:  https://breastcancerfreebies.com/wigs/

Books to help children understand hair loss from chemo:

“Nowhere Hair” by Sue Glader

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Nowhere-Hair-Explains-Cancer-Chemo/dp/0984359168/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549460550&sr=8-1&keywords=nowhere+hair

“Our Mom is Getting Better” by Alex Silver

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Our-Getting-Better-Alex-Silver/dp/0944235859/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549460629&sr=8-1&keywords=Our+mom+is+getting+better

How Do I Tell My Child Difficult News?

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As parents we have the rather unfortunate task of having to break difficult news to our children. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, divorce, a move or a serious illness, you may be wondering how do I tell my child?

Right before Thanksgiving in 2017, I found myself in a troubling spot. In late October, I had found a lump on my neck. I waited several weeks thinking it may resolve itself. When it didn’t get better I knew I would need to get it checked out because it definitely looked suspicious. 

I had not been feeling well for quite some time and recently began seeing a rheumatologist because I thought I could possibly be developing early onset rheumatoid arthritis. Never in my mind, did I think that the fatigue, joint pain and skin issues I was having could be cancer. That just wasn’t in my realm of possibilities.

But soon having cancer became my reality. As difficult as this news was for me to take, I thought how and what do I tell my three children? Here are some tips that helped me break the difficult news:

Children Can Sense Changes

Children have an uncanny way of knowing when a person or situation is “off”. They can usually sense when mom or dad is stressed, and any change in their typical daily routine usually alerts them that something is up. Whether it’s your body language, or conversations they overheard, children can sense when something has changed. This is why it's important to address the situation and have a conversation with your child.  This lets them know they are an important member of the family and gives them the opportunity to express their feelings and ask questions.

Timing

Unfortunately, there is no “right time” to break the news. As much as you’d love to shelter and protect them from them situation, inevitably you will need to address it in some manner. You know your child the best so you know when the best time is to have serious discussions. It’s important to try and avoid having discussions when your child is hungry, tired, stressed or otherwise distracted or there could be interruptions. Depending on your child’s comfort level, it may even be helpful to talk when direct eye contact isn’t required (like during a car ride). Doing so, helps lessen the pressure for your child to respond immediately to the news.

Preparing Yourself

Before speaking with your child, it’s important to take a moment and prepare yourself for possible questions or feelings your child might have. It’s important to also think about the feelings that may arise for you during the conversation. While you may anticipate your child being very emotional and asking lots of questions, they may remain quiet and have very little response. Reassure them that if they have questions or want to talk more they can.

Choosing Your Words

It’s important to speak to your child in a calm voice. Use simple and clear words that simply state the facts. Use appropriate words to describe your situation so that your child will have the language they need to understand what is happening and ask questions. Children’s books on change, illness or loss can be wonderful tools to help your child cope with the news.

Staying Present

Even when communication may be difficult, parents can help create a more comforting and safe environment just by remaining close by. Whether it’s sitting and reading quietly together, or just being in the same room, your physical presence helps strengthen your bond by reassuring your child that you are there for them.

Breaking the news is one thing. But it’s your behavior afterwards that truly matters. It’s important to lead by example and demonstrate healthy coping behaviors like self-care.  Show your child that you are in control of your emotions, but that it is okay to show your feelings if you are feeling upset about the news or situation. It’s important to validate your child’s feelings, as well as your own, and let them know that is a typical reaction in response to bad news.

As parents, we want to be protectors of our children. We want to preserve life’s happy moments and have trouble seeing our children in distress or dealing with strong emotions. While we might see it as our job to avoid the topic to make the hurt go away, we can be more helpful in the long run by providing our children with emotional support and a listening ear.

Sources:

“What do I tell the kids?” Cancer Support Community

The Parenting Place

Coping with Illness During the Holidays

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Right before Thanksgiving, my world was turned upside down when I found a lump on the side of my neck. I so desperately wanted to wish it away and pretend it wasn’t there. It was the start of the holidays and this is not what I had planned. I initially put off going to the doctor thinking it was in my head, when I finally felt the urgency to get it checked out. For my family’s sake, I decided it was best to know for certain what I was dealing with so that I could get the proper treatment if necessary.

From the troubled look on my doctor’s face to the slew of tests she ordered, I knew in my heart it wasn’t good. The next few days and weeks became a whirlwind of doctor appointments, imaging tests and blood work. The uncertainty of waiting for results became an uncomfortable norm.

My blood work showed elevated white blood cells, but my doctor didn’t think I had an infection. “Let’s wait to see what the CT scan shows.” Sure enough, my CT scan showed I had SEVERAL areas of enlarged lymph nodes in my neck. My heart sank into my stomach. Next came the news, “We need to take a biopsy of the enlarged lymph node in your neck.”

I opted to be aggressive and chose to have a surgical excision. While my doctor could perform a simple biopsy in an office setting, having it surgically removed and tested was the only way to ensure that they were taking enough tissue to get a proper diagnosis.

The day before Thanksgiving, I had outpatient surgery to remove the lymph node. The next day we hosted Thanksgiving dinner. I wasn’t going to let the fear of my impending diagnosis hamper our holiday fun.

Almost a week later, I received the news I feared. The tissue sample tested positive for lymphoma. I had cancer. Now the holidays are always stressful, even more so when you’re struggling with an illness, disability or injury. So how do you cope and find joy during the holiday season, when the whole world seems to be celebrating?

The first thing to realize is that, despite what we often see in holiday movies and on TV, the fact is many people struggle during the holidays. You are not alone. Whether you have recently lost a loved one or a job; moved or gotten divorced; or are of a non-Christian background — we all face the challenge of navigating a holiday season that can deepen the sense of being separated from the happy majority.

While there is no magic formula for dealing with the complex emotions that the holidays can bring, here are some tips that helped me find joy after being diagnosed with cancer right at the start of the holiday season:

• Use the holiday season to pause and reflect on what truly matters in your life. Illness and injury bring traumatic changes, but some good always remains. Identify the relationships and activities that bring you joy—and make time for the people and events that nourish your spirit and make you smile.
• Set lower expectations. Be aware of your energy level. Give yourself permission this year to accept less than perfect in your decorating and baking. Tell yourself, “This is temporary, I can let it go this time. I plan on being around for many more holidays.”
• Let others help. If your list of holiday list of "things to do" is overwhelming, assign a few tasks to others. They’ll get the satisfaction of helping—and you’ll find you have a little more breathing room.
• Learn to rest. Fatigue is a very common side effect of treatment and illness. Listen to your body when it is telling you it is tired. Give yourself permission to rest and relax.
• Reach out. Friends and even family may not understand exactly how you’re feeling, but they genuinely want to help. Sometimes just talking about your feelings of sadness or isolation can lighten the burden of those feelings.
• Consider a simpler approach to gift-giving. Tell all those friends who've been wanting to do something for you that they can help most by expecting no presents or cards this year. Within your own family, save time and deepen the true spirit of the season by giving personal gifts with no monetary value.
• Savor the simple pleasures of the season. The food may not taste as good, and the smell may hinder your appetite as a result of your treatment. Allow yourself to enjoy being around others and look forward to enjoying meals at the next holiday, when your treatment is over.
• Find a way to do something for somebody else. Living with an illness, acute or chronic, can be all-consuming. Avoid being defined by disease, by reaching beyond the limits and preoccupations of illness to connect with others. Send a card to someone you know who's sick or lonely. Or call them to just to let them know you're thinking about them.
• Join a support group. The holidays are a very stressful time but it's important to remember you are not alone. Ask you doctor if he or she knows of any local support groups. Social media is also a great way to connect to others in similar situations.

Disease and disability can turn lives upside down. But whatever changes and challenges you face, you still have a spirit that needs to be nourished. This year, and in all the years to come, focus on the parts of the holiday season that bring you joy and feed your love of life and of others. That’s the true spirit of the holidays and it’s available to everyone.

Sources:

Beliefnet

ROCA Counseling