Photo of me after my brain EEG. June and July have been full of tests, scans and doctor visits trying to determine what exactly is going on in my brain.
There is a thin line between fighting and surviving.
Two years ago, I was fortunate to cross that line and enter remission.
Remission left me floating in a sea of gratitude and awe at the impossible odds I had overcome, yet I was left with an unsettling feeling as I wondered what was next.
Once cancer enters your life, either as a patient or caregiver, it seems to become part of you.
No matter how many years have passed since your diagnosis, the worry and dread are hard to shake.
Cancer has you constantly looking over your shoulder and second-guessing any symptom.
Cancer gives time a new meaning and puts a new urgency to make the most of the moments you have left.
As a survivor, I’m often caught between wanting to proudly share my story and wanting to forget cancer was ever a part of my life.
I often question whether I’m doing the right thing.
But each time I start to doubt my purpose, life has a way of reminding me how far I’ve come.
Every time I start to wonder if I should continue to share my story, God has a funny way of showing me what a difference my experiences can make in someone else’s life.
I believe situations happen, and people are put in our path for a reason.
There are no coincidences.
After a challenging first year in remission, I made it my goal for 2020 to build out my blog and focus on sharing my story across different websites and platforms to help support other cancer fighters.
I’m passionate about sharing my cancer journey and incredible success with immunotherapy because I believe my experience can help advance treatment for others.
Throughout my journey, I’ve found that the right information and the right time can make all the difference when it comes to cancer treatment.
I had big plans to celebrate being cancer-free for two years.
As one of this year’s Faces of Cancer at Northwestern’s annual Cancer Survivors’ Celebration in June, I hoped to celebrate my remission by giving back to other cancer fighters at Lurie Cancer Center through my Hopeful Warrior Project.
But life had other plans.
My summer started with a bang with the news my concussion brought to light: a CT and MRI scan showed what appeared to be a benign tumor in my brain.
After months of planning and anticipation at launching my Hopeful Warrior Project, the news of a brain tumor couldn’t have come at a worse time. Everything I was working towards was put on hold as I tried to come to terms with having a brain tumor.
Thankfully, I was able to get a more detailed follow-up scan, which showed there was actually no definitive tumor. Still, some visible changes in my brain require continued testing and monitoring.
But after months of lockdown, followed by challenging health news at the start of June, I decided I needed to take a break from social media.
It all became too much.
I disconnected from my page and my blog for a little while to focus on my health and continue to process everything that happened in just a few short weeks.
From vision, hearing, and neurological assessments to weekly physical therapy, the rest of June and beginning of July was a flurry of tests, scans and doctor appointments trying to get more answers to what is going on inside my brain.
I restarted neuro rehab to improve my lingering concussion symptoms; however, over a month after my concussion, I am still dealing with chronic headaches, nausea, brain fog, and severe neck pain. This is not unusual as several doctors told me, concussion symptoms can linger for months after an incident.
Two weeks ago, I consulted with a neurologist at Northwestern who ordered an EEG of my brain to check for seizure activity that could potentially be causing me to pass out when under stress.
My doctors believe that these episodes which caused my recent concussion, while extremely concerning, are most likely a result of my dysautonomia and underlying vasovagal syncope—not an underlying heart or neurological issue. However, we will know more definitely once I have the results of my EEG.
There is no cure for vasovagal syncope. The symptoms can only be managed through a combination of diet and lifestyle modifications. Sometimes medication or surgery are needed depending on the severity of symptoms.
I am hoping I will continue to see my symptoms improve over time. Neuro rehab, somatic bodywork, and physical therapy are helping to build my strength and enhance my overall mental functioning.
Each week, I feel a little clearer and stronger. I’m hoping I will continue to see my symptoms lessen as my therapy continues.
Life has certainly been a series of peaks and valleys lately, but I’m starting to find the middle ground.
As I continue to navigate the bumpy road forward feeling caught somewhere between fighting and surviving— I just want to thank you.
…for being here
…for reading this
…for praying and supporting me through it all.
To learn more about my story and the inspiration behind my Hopeful Warrior Project, check out the recent podcast I recorded with the Neurologic Wellness Institute. You can also listen on Spotify or watch my interview below on YouTube.
Hopeful Warrior Project Update
As my health continues to improve, I am now able to move forward with my Hopeful Warrior Project.
Thank you to all of you who have sponsored a warrior bag or expressed interest in a partnership opportunity. I’m working on assembling my warrior bag so that they are ready to be delivered to cancer fighters at Lurie Cancer Center next month.
I officially finished treatment on August 9, 2018, so my goal is to deliver the bags at the beginning of August to celebrate the two-year anniversary of such an important treatment milestone.
Thanks again for all your prayers and positive vibes this month.
Your support means the world to me.
Learn More
A Complete Guide to Manage Dysautonomia: Symptoms, Diagnosis and Treatment
Vestibular Rehabilitation Can Improve Dizziness After A Concussion